Everyone hates the feeling of being trapped. This often comes from situations that feel like there is no freedom to choose. When we have no choice, this is a very frustrating experience. Children feel the same way. That is why it is important to give them the freedom to choose with very specific limitations.
Imagine being in a classroom of elementary students when the teachers asks if anyone wants some ice cream. After the noise of excitement dies, she then asks what kind they want. There will probably be more flavours than students named, especially if this goes unchecked. Through a long and confusing democratic process, a generic flavour like chocolate is chosen. Although this seems like a good choice, many of the kids are upset because their flavour was not chosen. Grumbling and disappointment spread through the classroom. This doesnt seem logical after the promise of ice cream, but it does happen.
Now imagine the kids have two choices, vanilla ice cream or no ice cream. Those who complain or talk about a flavour they arent getting simply do not get any. This negative response will quickly disappear the next time if the teacher holds true to the consequence. It is simple, quick and everyone is happy.
Giving choices isnt an easy skill at first. First you have to be able to give two choices that will have a positive outcome either way. A boy who is expected to be in bed by 9 oclock can be given two choices. He can go to bed at 8:30 or stay up until nine. Of course he will choose nine oclock, but the freedom of choice will make it seem as if he conned his parents.
Do you want to do your homework now, or after supper? Do you want to study Lights and Shadows or Hearing and Sound this month? Do you want to swallow your pills or have them mixed in with some juice? What kind of vegetables do you want in your lunch? These are all questions that will leave both parties with a sense of control and satisfaction.
The second challenge is being able to stick to the choices. The inevitable response from a child at some point is to come up with an option that isnt given. The child may feel clever and challenge the choices. Without a firm stance on the guidelines, the child will start to manipulate the system. A simple and repeated that is not a choice is often enough.
The third challenge is to reward the choices. It is not everyday that we thank kids for eating vegetables, doing homework or speaking to us respectfully. Often times we assume these things should be done without question. As parents or teachers, we need to take the time to thank kids for making good choices in life. It helps them to understand what makes a good person.
Giving choices is something that takes practice and patience. Speaking from experience, youll notice the positive effects right away. You may even reach the point where you can say to a child, I trust you. I know youll make the right decision.
Darren Michalczuk is the founder of the Brick School. He is an experienced classroom teacher who has developed many programs and resources for math, language and music. The Brick School offers quality educational posters, programs and worksheets online for elementary language arts, math and music. Materials are designed to promote effective learning strategies in an easy to understand, straight-forward format. They offer both practical solutions to learning problems and leading edge technology and techniques. It reaches both struggling students and those who need extra challenges in class.With the latest software and leading edge learning strategies, our materials are paving the way for learning. User-friendly programs give students instant feedback while they practice important basic skills. Lessons and study guides also include proven learning strategies and memories techniques. Please visit our website. http://brickschool.ca
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